How to cure Hiccups
by Tatyana Witwicky
Summary: We've had them, and we all know how persistant they can be! See what Tai will do to get Sam's to stop! Complete hilarity! And Sam abuse!  Review!


This popped into my head!

My boyfriend had hiccups and I ended up falling over laughing!

And this anime I watched, the character got hiccups and her friends tried almost anything to get them to go away...

Some of them are quite hilarious!

Just what will Tai do when her dear cousin gets the dreaded hiccups?

Enjoy!

xx

Hiccups...the epidemy of annoying...

xx

Sam sat quietly at his computer in his room at NEST headquarters, typing out a long ass mid-term paper that was taking up way to much of his time.

'God...this is sucking so bad...' He whined, knowing Bee wouldn't let him leave his room until he was done. Darn him and his need to make sure Sam get's an education.

Sam stopped typing for a minute and stretched, cracking his neck. Another Witwicky gift. Or curse. Tai and him would make sure they did that in front of the bots as much as they could. It really seemed to creep them out.

'Bee, I need a break...' He whined into his blue tooth. The yellow bot on the other line made a noise that sounded like..'Okay, fine!'

Sam cheered happily, inhaling air rather quickly without realizing it. 'Thanks dude, you're the best!'

He got up excitedly and was about to open his door when he felt something rise in his throat. He gave a loud heave and a loud noise escaped his throat, making his whole body jerk up slightly.

'Oh man...'

xx

Tai was in the main Recreational room. Her outfit today consisted of of adark gray and black sleeved t-shirt that said Nerd is the word in big letters on the front and just plain old jeans and her favorite checkered Vans shoes.

'Dude, this is the bomb!' She exclaimed, taking a sip of her mocha.

Miles smiled. 'Thank you!'

'I never thought to use chocolate milk instead of plain milk!' Tai gushed some more, lost in chocolately mocha goodness.

A loud noise reached their ears and they turned around.

'**HIC**!' Sam's upper body jerked with teh force of the hiccup. 'Hey...**HIC**...guys..'

'Heya!' Tai greeted, trying not to laugh but was failing miserably. 'What's up, homie?'

'**HIC**!' Sam hiccuped again, groaning. 'Oww...'

'Dude, you got the hiccups!' Miles exclaimed, laughing his ass off by this point.

Optimus Prime and Jazz walked into the room, cuasing Tai to squeal with happiness. '**HIC**!" Sam once again jerked as a hiccup ripped from his throat. **'HIC!**' That one sounded especially painful.

'What the frag is that?' Jazz asked in alarm.

'That, my super sexy mech, is a hiccup!' Tai explained, her pointer finger raised as if that would make her point incredibly clear. 'Human's get it all the time, I still get them..!'

'Hiccups?' Optimus asked in confusion.

Tai quickly logged into her internal processor, looking up the exact cause of the dreaded annoyance. 'Hiccups.' She started, her optic blinking rapidly. 'A contraction of the diaphragm, that can repeat several times per minute. In humans, the abrupt rush of air into the lungs can cause the epiglottis to close, which can cause the ever persistant 'Hic' noise..'

As if on cue, Sam 'HIC'd quite loudly, causing his body to jerk.' Ow, this is really starting to hurt!' He whined.

'Is it serious?;' Optimus asked in concern.

'Only rarely.' Tai said with a shrug. 'they usualy go away on their own, but there are a few tricks to speed up the process..'

'At this 'HIC' point, I'd be up for lab testing...HIC!'

Tai and Miles glanced at one another before turning to Sam with evil smirks on their faces.

'**HIC**?' Sam hiccuped, looking frightened.

'Nice knowing ya, Sam..' Jazz muttered.

xx

**Cure attempt #1: Drinking water.**

'Ughh..I'm gonna explode..' Sam whined, downing his eighth glass of water.

'You want them to go away right?' Tai asked, her arms crossed as she leant against her Dad's leg. 'Keep drinking...'

Sam groaned and downed yet another glass. Optimus felt very bad for the ailing boy, these hiccups seemed rather menacing.

After slamming the glass down, Sam was silent for a few seconds.

'HAH!' Tai exclaimed in excitement. 'It worked!'

**'HIC**!" Sam then whined, before slamming his head on the table. Before rushing off to the men's room.

'Well, that didn't work...' Miles scratched his head. 'Hmm...what's next?'

xx

**Cure attempt #2: Holding one's breath.**

'This one sounds incredibly dangerous!' Ratchet said in a loud tone. 'I do not recommend this one.'

'Come on, Ratch!' Tai said. 'This one always worked for me when I had them.'

'Okay, dude, ready?'

'Do '**HIC**' I '**HIC**' have '**HIC**' a choice?' He whimpered. By this point, he had quite a large audience of people and bot's watching. Bee clicked in concern for his charge.

'Ready, set...hold..'

Sam took a deep breath in and held it, his cheeks puffing slightly as he counted down the longest minute of his life.

But barely thirty seconds passed when he let out a loud gasp of air, breathing heavily. 'That's barely anything!' Tai exclaimed, sounding disappointed in him.

'Did it work at all?' Miles asked.

Sam was still for a moment. Everyone waited with baited breath.

**'HIC!'**

'Fuck.' Tai cursed, getting pissed off.

xx

**Cure attempt #3: Various hilarious things that never work but are fun to do anyway.**

**HIC!**

Tai felt her optic twitch slightly as her cousin continued to hiccup loudly. Those were some stubborn hiccups.

'I got nothing else..' She muttered, sitting back and sitting indian style on the bot couch.

Leo and Simmons then walked into the room, arguing and bickering. Which wasn't new at all. 'Dude, you need to get your turrets checked out..' Leo pointed out.

'I've told you, I do not have turrets! I somehow manage to gove myself turrets, then it goes away...and it only happens when I'm driving..'

'That poor old lady.' Leo shook his head.

'Yo, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum!' Tai called, leaping off the couch and landing rather gracefully on her feet.

'Yo, Tai-flyer!' Leo called, exchanging a fist pound with the Techno-organic.

**HIC!**

Both of the guys and Tai glanced over at the hiccuping Witwicky, who was being patted on the back by his yellow guardian.

'Hiccups, huh?' The former Sector Seven agent asked with a smirk.

Sam nodded, his hiccups making his lungs and abs hurt by this point.

**HIC!**

'They just won't go away!' Tai whined, causing Barricade to roll his optics in annoyance.

'Has he held his breath?'

'Tried it.'

'Drank water?'

'Tried it.'

'Hmm...' Simmons pondered, scratching his chin. He then snapped his fingers as an idea hit him. 'Got it! Have you tried holding him upside down with his ears plugged and holding his breath?'

Optimus and Prowl glanced at one another in amazement. Just how many different cures were there for these hiccups?

Sam didn't know why he was cursed with having complete spazzes for friends and a complete lunatic for a relative. He soon found himself upside with Leo and Miles holding him, Simmon's plugging his ears, and Tai bent over in a weird position so she could talk to him better.

'Anything yet?'

Sam tried to shrug, still holding his breath.

_Why me?_ He inwardly whined.

Forty seconds later, he gasped loudly as the breath he was holding forced itself out.

'Did it work?' Tai asked eagerly.

A few seconds pause.

**HIC!**

'Damn, thought for sure that would work.' Leo and Miles let go of Sam's legs unexpectantly, causing him to fall over with a yelp.

He just laid there. 'You all...**HIC**...are trying to kill me!'

'Not you, those damn hiccups!' Tai reassured him, helping him up.

'Here's one!' Leo chimed in. 'Put pressure on his eyes!'

'Should we..do something?' Sideswipe asked in concern.

'Are you kidding?' Sunny laughed loudly. 'This is entertainment!'

Miles then started pressing his thumbs into his friends closed eyes.

'OW! OW! OW! OW!' Miles stopped a few minutes later and Sam blinked numerous times, trying to clear his vision.

HIC!

'I GOT ONE!' Miles suddenly yelled and with a swing of his hand, pounded Sam on the back.

Sam whimpered loudly as his friend continued his assault.

'Um..Miles?' Ratchet's voice made him stop. 'That only works if he is choking..'

'Yeah, dude, Hiccups are usually in the Diaphragm...I seem to recall giving a long wikipedia explanation on them..' Tai sounded annoyed.

'Where's the diaphragm? 'Miles asked sheepishly.

'Just below the lungs!'

'HAH!' Miles then made a fist and..

BAM!

Sam wheezed painfully as Miles fist connected into his middle, making him double over.

'Uhh..that was his solar plexus...' Leo said, scratching his head.

'Yeah, sort of important..' Tai muttered. Ratchet facepalmed.

Sam continued to wheeze, trying to gather his bearings. 'God, hat hurts...' He gasped out.

'Sorry, my bad, dude..' Miles did sound sorry.

'Did it work though?' Tai asked, her optic and eye wide in hope.

Sam faced everyone. HIC! A collective sigh of 'Aw, man..' went around the room.

'Man, those things just aren't going away!' Miles sounded frustrated.

Sam sat down and buried his face in his knees.

Tai then had a thought. What else did people do when someone they knew had hiccups?

Oh yeah...that's right..

'Hey Sam?' She asked innocently.

'What?' He yelled out pitifully.

'You know that game you let me borrow a couple weeks ago?' She went on, standing in front of him. He looked up.

'Bioshock? Yeah, worked on that one for weeks..why?'

'Yeah, about that, I sort of, kind of...accidently..' she then leaned forward. 'Saved over your data..'

Sam's eyes got huge/\. He then moved with lightening speed and grabbed the front of her shirt. 'YOU WHAT?' He took a deep breath. 'FIRST YOU ALL TOTURE ME WITH VARIOUS HICCUPS CURES, ALMOST POKE MY EYES OUT, HAD ME PUNCHED IN THE CHEST, AND NEARLY MADE ME PISS MYSELF...AND NOW YOU SAVE OVER MY GAME? WHAT MORE CAN YOU DO TO ME!' He breathed heavily as shocked silence filled the room.

'Yikes..' Barricade muttered, his dark red optics wide.

'Did that work?' Tai said with a smirk.

Sam froze. Nothing happened.

'I'll be damned...that worked..' He muttered, placing her down. 'Sorry, had a moment there...moment is gone...'

'Good, so are your hiccups...finally..'

'Well, I'm glad that's over.' Optimus commented.

Everyone agreed.

When suddenly.

HIC!

Tai covered her mouth as she felt more hiccups coming on.

'Oh, great...' she mumbled.

Sam smirked evily.

'Come here, Tai...'

She gulped.

xxx

Bwahahaha! I need to say this, while I was laughing hysterically at my boyfriend's hiccups, he started throwing my underwear at me, which I threw back and he nearly hit me in the face with my own undies!

Good times!

Anywho!

Review!


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